The loneliness of being German, as The Guardian puts it, made me think. Here in Germany people tend to criticise all the American patriotism by saying: If we would do that we would all be entitled as “Nazis”. And in fact those people are right. However they would not be entitled as “Nazis” by people of other countries, but by their own people. And that’s the point. Germans think they are in fear of others, but in fact they are in fear of themselves. They are in fear of being remembered of things they want to forget.
I told them that I had been called a Kraut and a Nazi as a child, that I had been put on trial by other children and that I had also denied being German. I told them I had the feeling that being German was a forbidden identity, that I still have difficulty saying “we Germans” and would rather just say I was Irish. I asked them what they would say if they went on holiday and people called them Krauts and Nazis. Do you ignore it? Or do you make a joke of it and say “I’m a Kraut, and I’m proud”, like the great moment in the film of Roddy Doyle’s The Commitments.
And here the Germans go again. Again they are remembered when travelling abroad. Of things they would rather like to undo, to somehow turn back the clock and change the world. Of things that seem false now, but of which you have no chance of making them forgotten. When I refer to “the Germans” in this post, I should rather write “we Germans”, but like the author of the Guardian article, who has a German-Irish origin, who is lucky because he at least has another nationality to fall back to if he is asked where he comes from, I’m in fear of writing “we Germans” and I’d rather like to go on writing “the Germans” and tell you to include myself with “them”.
In fact this summer was the first time I travelled around England and have not been entitled someone, who want[s] to own the world. Those things remeber us Germans – and now I really made it to reffering to “the Germans” as “us Germans” unintentionally – of times we want to forget. I mean, what should I say to the English veteran sitting next to me in the pub? That was even before my mother was born., I once said to one of them. But you used to., he said. Yes, maybe we used to, I thought to myself. And then: Luckily we actually never did! But I was somehow afraid of saying that. I mean, you are accused of doing something that your grandfather has done. Is that right? On the other hand, I am a German and so I have to live with that. I even can’t be angry about the English veteran. It seems like it is his right to remember me of the things that happened – at any time he wants to, in any English pub I go to. At least he was the one who helped freeing my country. However I hope you see the problem, you’re in as a German. You’re young, you’ve been educated to the means, that what we did was a thing, that was so horrible, it could never be made forgotten. You don’t want to be connected to the ideology of “Nazis” at home – and you don’t want to be connected to “Nazis” abroad. That’s why you try to hide your identity and are always in fear of the reaction of the foreign person sitting next to you, when it comes down to the question of Where do you come from?. I could lie to these questions and say I was from Austria or Switzerland, but you know what? I’m still German and somehow I never made it. I could actually never tell someone, that I was a Swiss guy. At least I admit that I did something wrong ages ago – although I have never done it myself. Maybe that is a positive sign.
The author of the Guardian article has his own positive signs he was able to find in our hopeless situation. See for yourself. Did I already say you should really read this article?
Maybe there is no such thing as a German national consciousness. Maybe the whole question of sovereignty is an anachronism and that the Germans have become the first true internationalists, with global tastes, speaking fluent English, at home everywhere in the world. But if nationhood is obsolete then so is identity. It would mean that there is no such thing as being German and that they possess no individuality, only the surrogate identities of Guinness T-shirts and being Irish in Irish pubs. Perhaps the Germans are in the process of going into exile, emigrating into a new global identity.